The Weird and Wonderful History of Coombe Lane

 

Where have we all come from? On the one hand, some people believe that the human race has evolved from a more primitive species; on the other hand, writers like Von Daniken suggest that we are the descendants of wandering space travelers. Whatever belief you hold, there is no doubt that our history holds lessons for the future, and is therefore important to us all.

The aim of this series of historical snapshots is to shine a spotlight onto some of the lesser known events which have occurred during the history of Coombe Lane.

Part 1 - The Dawn of Civilisation (~1000 BC)

It would be fair to say that little is known for sure about the earliest residents of Coombe Lane. A number of archaeological digs carried out in the mid 1930's were however recorded in great detail, and I have used these records to try and piece together a jigsaw puzzle of life in Coombe Lane circa 1000 BC.

Human remains excavated from around this time show the inhabitants to have been short, stocky, extremely well-fed and keepers of many household beasts.

The Mason Certain building artefacts recovered from a burial mound on the Coombe feature are almost identical to others found at the sites of Woodhenge, Stonehenge and Avebury circle. Several eminent local historians have speculated that the architect of all three sites may have been buried in this mound, and was quite possibly a resident of the lane.

Part 2 - The Romans (55 BC ~ 300AD)

Almost from the outset of Roman occupation, Salisbury Plain was acquired by the Roman army as an area for practising tactics. Indeed, the spectacle of massed formations rehearsing the classic 'tortoise' manoeuvre, fiery catapults, siege towers, battering rams and other apparatus being towed past their dwellings by day and night would have been a familiar sight to our ancestors.

The earliest Roman maps clearly depict the 'Via Coombelanivs' as following almost precisely the exact route we now know as Coombe Lane - footnotes also show that this was initially the primary means whereby troops were able to gain access to Salisbury Plain. It is however very interesting to note that circa 52 BC the Romans constructed another parallel track reportedly to avoid the troops' feet getting covered in dog droppings (not nice when you only wear open-toe sandals). To this day historians cannot agree as to whether the droppings were placed deliberately in the path of the soldiers, as a mark of protest, or whether this was just a natural phenomenon. It is perhaps however no coincidence that around the same time the first of many chronicles detailing insurrection by the residents of the area can be read.

Nonetheless Via Coombelanivs was an important logistic centre for the Romans for several decades, primarily due to the residents' dexterity in the repair of war chariots - a number of whom also becoming involved in the haulage of supplies between the plain and the SPQR storehouse in Netheravon. A particularly famous wall mosaic, which was uncovered during recent renovation of the Swan Inn, shows a panoramic view of the Via Coombelanivs littered with many broken chariots undergoing various repairs.

(Next) Part 3 - The Viking Invaders

If you have any reminiscences of life in Coombe Lane during the Dark Ages (or more recently) then Email them to General (Retd) Ivor Green-Waxedjacket CJD BSE (Official Coombe Lane Historian) at igwj@sbluk.co.uk.

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Author's Notes:

Wandering Space Travelers In Coombe Lane, perhaps more than anywhere else, there is evidence to support both arguments.

Insurrection Several preserved Roman manuscripts mention a certain Cenn Drvidvs (otherwise known affectionately to the troops as ‘Scovsvs Illegitimvs’), who became something of an elder statesmen among the residents of the lane. In his youth Drvidvs was a soldier of fortune who travelled from the banks of the Mersey, served for some time with Boadiccea, and finally joined the Roman Army where he rose to the rank of Centurion. With his natural cunning and inside knowledge of the Roman modus operandi, he became a thorn in the side of the authorities.

Chariots The skills of chariot repair persist to this day, especially towards the eastern end of the lane where many hulks can be found (still awaiting repair).

Woodhenge, Stonehenge & Avebury Although the purpose of these three constructions has been debated for centuries, historians are on the other hand more or less agreed that they were all built within the space of 10 years or so. Woodhenge being a full-scale mock-up (of whatever it was they wanted to build) and is a fine example of early experimentation with the technicalities of ‘setting-out’ using wooden posts. This was followed by Stonehenge, which was abandoned prior to completion due to difficulties involved in transporting stones from Wales. The culmination, Avebury circle, solved the latter of these technical problems by using local Sarsen stones (benefiting from previous experience, the builders also made sure that this time the circle was large enough to house a decent sized pub and souvenir shop).

SPQR Later re-named the ‘Spar’ by the local inhabitants (as they couldn't pronounce ‘Spqr’).

Flying Contraptions

Me and Queenie, we likes to go for a Sunday stroll on the Plain and kick aroun the badger diggins, looking for gold and such like treasure of the ancient folk. We bin searchin nigh on 25 year but still aint found more'n a few old badger bones.

Any road, we didn't 'ang about today on account of the sojer flying contraptions a buzzin and a whirrin about like a swarm of may flies. They got themsels a spot up the road where they comes back to earth every couple o hours or so - I supposes they's shovelling more coal into em.

They's magnificent things to behold but I can't 'elp thinkin that, whatever we build, the Frenchies 'll do th' same. Then we'll 'ave to make other contraptions to swat their contraptions. Then they'll do likewise, and we'll 'ave to come up with contraptions to deal with their contraptions what is swatting our contraptions, an so on an so on.

Appen we might all have been a lot wealthier stickin to fightin each other with wooden clubs.

The Speed Watch

Young Dorcas, she been bumping ‘er gums again about folk travelling too fast through the village. Truth to tell, she got a point – there’s too many on 'em on ‘osses, or in carriages and on they new-fangled Penny Farthings and other such like contraptions, all a-belting through the main street, a-splashing up the mud and a-running down chickens, cats and dogs and such.

Dorcas already bin in touch wi t’constabulary, but they don’ want to know. Says they only got one constable for th' whole shire and he can’t be everywhere.

Any road, me and Alf we decided we’d take matters in hand. So Alf bin out and borrowed the squire’s pocket watch (our ‘speed watch’ we calls it). Then we picked two trees, jest by the side of the road at the edge of the village, about a hundred paces apart. Then we watches a few folk trot through the village (at sensible speeds o course) and times how long they takes to get from one tree t’th next. We’s both agreed anything less than twenty seconds is too fast for decent law-abiding folk to be travelling at.

So, the next week we borrows a couple of Thomas’s pill box hats from th' post office (so’s we’d look all official like) and I stands by the first tree with me chalk and slate. When someone comes past I puts up me hand and Alf (he’s stood by t’other tree) starts a-timing ‘em. If they takes more than twenty seconds to reach him then he gives me the thumbs up, else its the thumbs down and I notes their pertickyerlers on me slate. If they takes on and starts a-shakin a fist at us then I puts a big ‘X’ against their name as well, 'cos we can't be doin with that sort o thing!

When we’s finished, we takes the slate to Dorcas and she writes a letter to each an everyone on th’list. She be a sweet girl on th’outside but she got a way with words that can make a grown man feel like a naughty child – truth be told, folk ‘ud much rather deal with constabulary any day of the week than get a tickin-off from Dorcas!

Then guess what? We’s doing so well, folk in the next village thought they’d try the same thing. Only problem is, the squire only got one watch so now we’s having to share – p’raps we can persuade Dorcas to get another one, but these things aint cheap.

Sojers

Them sojers bin frightening my doggie agin with their muskets and canons. So I told em, 'You won't find any Frenchies hereabouts'.

But they jes laughed and one of em shouts, 'We aint after Frenchies, old timer - Boney's long dead and buried. We're off to the North West Frontier.'

I dont mind really - they're only doin their jobs. But I reckon we must a bin in an out o that Khyber Pass for the last 60 years gone, and we still aint licked them Pashtuns.

Appen we'll still be there 100 years hence.

Th Committee

T'other night Queenie ad her mates round fer er monthly get tergether. Calls emselves some sort o village committee but I knows wot they're really upto! They sits around a smokin their pipes, a passin round the gin bottle an cacklin away ter each other.

'Yer a bunch o ole witches' I tells em, but they jes laughs an sends me out fer more gin and baccy. I don dare cross em though - me an doggie, we bin out in th fields and seen markings on th ground, th corn dollies an bits o ole candle stubs in jam jars.

The one with the bath chair, I reckon she's their leader!

Back Agin

Dorcas she’s always complainin Candleford don’t see enough o t’local constabulary, but personally I don understand the fuss - ere in Lark Rise we always seen this as a blessin!

Fer a start, me and Queenie ud starve if it weren’t fer a bit o poachin, then there’s young Alf’s field o foreign-lookin weed (no idea wot ee does with it but I ent never seen him wi out a smile on iz face), not ter mention Queenie’s moonshine business, and o course everyone knows the Timminses bin traffickin young ladies these past 5 years gone.... and god only knows wot old Giles sprays on is crops but I ent the only one’s seen 2-headed rabbits hereabouts.

Now where would we be if we ad the plod round every day? Folk jes don know when they got it good!

Is Anyone Out There?

...so Queenie and me, we thought we'd try us ands at one o they new-fangled blogs. They said all you need, Twister, is a lapdog and a rat on a piece o' string, and then you get young Alf peddling Thomas' bike ter mek some electrickery and Bob's yer uncle.

Folk thinks there ain't a lot as appens down our neck o the woods...appen they'd be surprised if only they knew!