The Speed Watch

Young Dorcas, she been bumping ‘er gums again about folk travelling too fast through the village. Truth to tell, she got a point – there’s too many on 'em on ‘osses, or in carriages and on they new-fangled Penny Farthings and other such like contraptions, all a-belting through the main street, a-splashing up the mud and a-running down chickens, cats and dogs and such.

Dorcas already bin in touch wi t’constabulary, but they don’ want to know. Says they only got one constable for th' whole shire and he can’t be everywhere.

Any road, me and Alf we decided we’d take matters in hand. So Alf bin out and borrowed the squire’s pocket watch (our ‘speed watch’ we calls it). Then we picked two trees, jest by the side of the road at the edge of the village, about a hundred paces apart. Then we watches a few folk trot through the village (at sensible speeds o course) and times how long they takes to get from one tree t’th next. We’s both agreed anything less than twenty seconds is too fast for decent law-abiding folk to be travelling at.

So, the next week we borrows a couple of Thomas’s pill box hats from th' post office (so’s we’d look all official like) and I stands by the first tree with me chalk and slate. When someone comes past I puts up me hand and Alf (he’s stood by t’other tree) starts a-timing ‘em. If they takes more than twenty seconds to reach him then he gives me the thumbs up, else its the thumbs down and I notes their pertickyerlers on me slate. If they takes on and starts a-shakin a fist at us then I puts a big ‘X’ against their name as well, 'cos we can't be doin with that sort o thing!

When we’s finished, we takes the slate to Dorcas and she writes a letter to each an everyone on th’list. She be a sweet girl on th’outside but she got a way with words that can make a grown man feel like a naughty child – truth be told, folk ‘ud much rather deal with constabulary any day of the week than get a tickin-off from Dorcas!

Then guess what? We’s doing so well, folk in the next village thought they’d try the same thing. Only problem is, the squire only got one watch so now we’s having to share – p’raps we can persuade Dorcas to get another one, but these things aint cheap.